Letters of Lunacy, Chapter 13

The sun had just started to set. It was no use to keep going in the dark, not when there are so many monsters in the woods nearby. The best thing Saffron could do, was set up her tent and make a fire. She needed all the rest she could get after that hectic battle with Slerpog, the cave troll from Schnazzard Mountain. Saffron had received many wounds from Slerpog's giant club, but at least she got what she had come for – the magic spoon of St. Ethel, the Feedmeister. She took it out of her backpack and examined the spoon carefully. For an old spoon, it was surprisingly well-kept and shiny. The floral carvings and detailing made it seem like just an ordinary spoon that might have belonged to a princess wedding cutlery set. But Saffron remembered all the rumors and couldn't wait to see how accurate they were. She took her wand out of her pocket and zapped the fire to make a small kettle of water appear on top of it. As the water was boiling, she used the magic spoon to stir the water in the kettle gently. It didn't take long for the water to turn into a yellowish goop with chunky cubes, crispy moons and other shapes in different earthy colors. As the sound of a rumbling stomach interfered with her curious mind, Saffron tasted the content of the kettle. "Chicken stew", she thought thankfully while she ate the rest of it. By the time the kettle was empty, her wounds were almost gone. The rumors had been true. St. Ethel's food really did have healing abilities. "The queen will be pleased", Saffron thought, “but she won't settle for just stew".

A short while later, Saffron spots a figure come out of the woods. It was a man with long, black hair in a ponytail and orange skin, wearing a tan-colored cowboy-outfit with a long coat and a cowboy hat with small tares a little here and there. He walked straight towards her fire and took out a hotdog on a stick, which he then holds over the flames.

‒ You're late again, Farraday, Saffron told him.
‒ I know, the cowboy replied. The lizard hunters I came across in the woods couldn't understand that. I tried giving them a piece of my mind, but ended up giving them a piece of my shotgun instead. At least they had some decent stuff on them. Want a hotdog?
‒ I've already eaten, Saffron told him. Did you bring the merchandise?
‒ Yeah, Farraday said and handed her a bag. 300 GP's, 20 runes and a pair of Jiggleberry chocolates. Where's the stuff you owe me?
‒ Right here, Saffron said and placed a rusty sword and a pipe on the ground.
‒ You're kidding me, right? Farraday asked annoyed. This is not what we agreed on!
‒ Hold your horses, cowboy, Saffron told him casually, I'm not done yet.

Saffron waved her wand over the two objects. A ray of light came out of the tip of the wand, surrounding them and making them glow. The objects soon began to glow, merge together and reshape like clay in a sculpture’s hands. By the time the light had vanished, the rusty sword and the pipe had become a shiny revolver.

‒ There you go, Saffron said. A Chandycot revolver, just like I promised.
‒ And the bullets? Farraday asked.
‒ Sure, right here, Saffron said and took out a box out of her pocket and handed it to him. I can't figure out what you need a Chandycot revolver for, those things are junk.
‒ I know, it's for the sheriff's badge at Elenorma City, Farraday told her. You need the entire revolver collection to get one.

Suddenly, an arrow landed a short distance from the fire. Another arrow landed next to Farraday’s foot. As more arrows appeared, lizardmen wearing brown, leather-like vests appeared outside the woods. They aimed their bows towards Saffron’s camp and sent their arrows flying in their direction.

‒ Damn it, Farraday, you were followed! Saffron scolded and transformed her wand into a staff.
‒ Gee, I can’t catch a break today, Farraday said and pulled out a huge shotgun from the inside of his coat. Fire in the barrel, yeehaw!

As Farraday shot the lizardmen’s heads off one by one, Saffron used her staff to send a couple of lightning bolts to eliminate several of them at once. By the time there was only a few of them left, one arrow hit Farraday in the stomach, making him fall to the ground. After Saffron zapped the last remaining lizards into ashes, she transformed her staff back into a wand and ran towards Farraday.

‒ I take it you have a spell for this, yes? Farraday asked.
‒ Sure, hold on, Saffron said and waved her wand over the arrow.

That’s when everything suddenly went black. “Damn, not again!”, Luna-May thought as she faced her computer keyboard. This was the fifth time this week that the power had gone out. She had been playing the game “Time Travelers of Titania” online for less than a couple of hours today, which was a new record since the black-outs started. It was a good thing that the game had an autosave function, because the darkness alone was hard for her to deal with. Luna-May took some deep breaths. She wasn’t afraid of the dark. She had learned that her eyes would eventually adapt to the darkness and make her see where every piece of furniture in her bedroom was. It was the other shapes in the dark that bothered her, shapes that only appeared whenever it was dark. She was beginning to see them now, black figures popping up every here and there, moving in the speed of light to remain in the center of Luna-May’s view whenever she turned her head to another direction. The figures were walking all over her place, like people on a crowded avenue. Only one of them had appeared to notice her. Luna-May could feel its eyes gaze on her evilly. Then it began to move towards her in slow-motion. Luna-May felt stiff from head to toe. She was too paralyzed to move and too scared to make a noise. The figure came closer and closer and the other figures in the room soon followed in the same direction. By the time they were less than half a meter away, the lights came back on. Blinded by the speed of the light’s return, Luna-May relaxed. She knew that the figures were gone and became sure of it when her eyes adapted to the light. She wanted to check to make sure, when…

‒ Luna-May! Stew’s ready!

As her stomach rumbled in delight, Luna-May left her seat and walked straight to the kitchen.

* * *

In the tram the next day, Luna-May sat quietly on her way to school. In her hand, she held an envelope with a letter that had taken her over an hour to write. She could still hear every word of it echo inside her head:

"I don't get you. You have it in you to be a good person. Why hide it? Well, I suppose that's none of my business. If you want to play under-cover avenger, that's fine by me, but I have to ask you something. What was the deal with Jordan being tied up half-naked to the goalpost?"

The last question in the letter was something Luna-May had wondered for years. Tying someone up to a goalpost in the school gymnasium to make a statement of some kind was a common tradition at her school. Usually there would be a sign around the person's neck with the statement written on it, but when it comes to Jordan, a pupil in the same grade as Luna-May but in a different class, a sign was rarely seen. Luna-May never knew why, nor did she understand why this always happens to Jordan almost once a month. To her, the whole thing seemed like a bad ritual. She could see how some cloaked figures brought him in. She couldn't see Jordan's head, because they had covered it with a sack, but she guessed that it was him. The hooded figures brought him up to the goalpost, tied him up and stepped aside. One of the hooded figures took out a red marker out of its pocket and started to write something on Jordan's bare chest. As soon as the cloaked figure stepped aside, Luna-May could make out the text that was written on Jordan's chest. It said:

"Thou shall not befriend the lunatic."

Luna-May felt uneasy and confused. Of all the things to write on Jordan's stomach, she never saw that one coming. Jordan had never made an attempt to befriend her before. Just like everyone else who got bullied in school, he treated her like a plague and kept his distance. Then one of the cloaked figures removed the sack from Jordan's head. Luna-May stared shocked at his face. The head inside the sack didn't belong to Jordan. Instead, an exhausted-looking Ivan looked dizzily to his bottom-right side. Then he stared straight at Luna-May, nodded in her direction and said:

‒ The lunatic! There she is!

Luna-May swallowed in fear. The cloaked figures were now looking at her. She couldn't see their faces from beneath the hoods of the cloaks, but she could see their red eyes stare at her evilly as they started to approach her. She was too confused to speak and too scared to move. All she could do, was watch the cloaked figures come closer and closer, until...

‒ Miss? Are you okay?

Luna-May jumped off her seat, making the tram guard in front of her jump out of fright too.

‒ Geese, kid, you scared the crap out of me! Are you alright?
‒ Yes, ma'am, Luna-May said and looked towards the window. I think this is my stop.
‒ Hold it, kid! the tram guard said. I need to see your tram card.
‒ Sure, Luna-May said and took her tram card out quickly from her pocket.
‒ Okay, you may go, the tram guard said after a quick glance at Luna-May's tram card and went to check the passengers in the next seat.

Luna-May rushed towards the tram doors and jumped out of the tram just before they closed. She jumped with such force, she couldn't stop herself in time and fell onto the ground. When she was just about to pick herself up, she felt a pair of hands grab hold of her and pull her up. When she brushed off the dirt from her clothes, she said:

‒ Thank you... Saul!?
‒ You're welcome, Luna-May! Saul said cheerfully. I hope you didn't bruise yourself.
‒ N-no, I'm fine, Luna-May stuttered and looked around the ground. Oh, crap!
‒ What? Saul asked. Did you drop something?
‒ The letter! Luna-May panicked. Where is it?
‒ You mean this? Saul asked and picked up the envelope from the ground.
‒ Yes! Luna-May said and took the envelope from Saul's hand. Thank you.
‒ You're welcome! Saul said smiling. Come, I'll walk you to school.

As they left the tram stop, Luna-May couldn't stop feeling uneasy. Her heart was pounding like a racing locomotive, but her sadness made it easier to ignore it. She still remembered how happy Saul was when she saw him hug Carrie that day. She still remembered how he had stabbed her for Gretchen. Worst of all, she still remembered seeing him die. Sure, the last two events were never real, but her mind didn't care. To Luna-May, this was just as well. Saul has a girlfriend already and that's that. Carrie had called dibs on his heart, so Luna-May had to get over him anyway and she couldn't think of a better way to do that than watching bad memories and flashbacks pass by in her head. If her twisted brain ever came to good use, now was the time. She let it replay every bad daymare she's ever had, every evil thought, every simulated shot of pain and every terrible memory she could remember, until...

‒ I'm glad we bumped into each other today, Saul said.
‒ You mean me crashing into you? Luna-May asked confused.
‒ Yeah, Saul confirmed. After that Saturday, I felt a bit guilty. Ivan had no right to talk about you like that, especially in front of everyone...
‒ It's okay, Luna-May said, I'm used to it.
‒ You shouldn't get used to stuff like that, Saul said. Everyone's got the right to be different.
‒ Different, yes, Luna-May said sadly. Being insane is what bothers people. I match that description very well.
‒ Trust me, there's nothing insane about you, Saul laughed.

Luna-May looked straight at Saul skeptically with a lot of confusion.

‒ Are you sure about that? Luna-May asked. You don't know me that well.
‒ No, but I know what insanity is, Saul said. So you talk to yourself, so what?
‒ Doesn't that seem a bit weird to you? Luna-May asked.
‒ No, not really, Saul said with a bright smile. It's not healthy to keep everything inside. Sometimes you've got to think out loud to be able to sort your thoughts, you know?
‒ Yeah, I do! Luna-May agreed in amazement.
‒ Well, there you go! Saul said and held out his arms. And here we are!

Luna-May looked around. She was standing in the middle of the school hallway next to Saul.

‒ That was fast! Luna-May said surprised.
‒ Yeah, time sure flew by, didn't it? Saul smiled. I'll see you around, Luna-May!
‒ Sure, Luna-May said. Hey, Saul?
‒ Yeah? Saul wondered.
‒ About that Saturday, Luna-May told him. Thank you for defending me.
‒ Sure, no problem, Saul smiled and waved at her. Bye, Luna-May!
‒ Bye! Luna-May said and waved back.

Luna-May felt her heart beat fast enough to almost break through her ribcage. By the time Saul was out of view, tears ran down her cheeks. Her heart had joined forces with her twisted mind. As she walked towards her locker with her aching heart, she saw images of Saul and Carrie do all kinds of romantic things together. They shared an ice cream sundae at a café, they held hands while walking through a park, they kissed under a full moon by a lake... when Luna-May locked her locker, she pulled out a paper handkerchief and blew her nose. Her nose was fully functional again by the time she got shoved aside with such force, she dropped the things she was holding, including the snot-filled handkerchief which landed right next to Joe's feet.

‒ Ew, what the hell? Joe yelled and jumped aside.
‒ Luna-May, stop loitering and move! Berta yelled at Luna-May and shoved her again. I need my stuff!

Luna-May walked to pick up her things. By the time she had picked up everything and tossed the used handkerchief into the nearest trash bin, she spotted her letter for Ivan a few meters away. By the time she was just about to pick it up, Joe's hand had already snatched it and was now holding it above Luna-May's head.

‒ What do we have here? Joe asked mockingly. A love-letter from Loony-May?
‒ Please, give that back! Luna-May begged him. It's not mine!
‒ Really, now? Joe smirked. Because I sure saw it fly across the floor when you dropped your stuff!
‒ I'm just the messenger, alright? Luna-May told him in panic. Please, give that back!
‒ Finders keepers, Loony-wimp, Joe mocked.
‒ Please, you don't understand! Luna-May cried. He'll kill us both!
‒ For real? Joe laughed. Who will? Your imaginary friend?
‒ She means me.

Luna-May turned around. Ivan was just a few steps away from them, looking annoyed.

‒ Give me the letter, Joe, Ivan said and held his hand out.
‒ Now why should I do that? Joe asked.
‒ See this? Ivan asked casually and took out a small atomizer out of his pocket. It's homemade pepper spray, my sister's recipe. One of the main ingredients is lemon juice. Give me the letter and you won't have to explain to the school nurse why you have salad dressing in your face.
‒ Fine! Joe snapped and thrust the letter towards Ivan.
‒ And you, Ivan growled at Luna-May. When I give you a responsibility, I expect you to do as you're told and not let anyone else get their hands on my stuff, got it?
‒ You know, you could chat with your pen-pal online or by text-messaging...

It was all Luna-May could say before Ivan's hand grabbed her by the throat.

‒ Don't get smart with me, you little freak! Ivan growled. I'll give you a reply to deliver later and if I see it in the wrong hands, you'll be spending the weekend tied up by your favorite tree, got it?

When Luna-May made her best to squeeze out the word "Fine!", Ivan let go of her throat and walked away. By that moment, the first teacher of the day had arrived.

* * *

After lunch, Luna-May went to sit on her usual bench by the lounge area. She knew it was risky to write anything in a public place, where bullies can snatch whatever you're working on, but she had to do something to calm her nerves. She opened her notebook and wrote "The Thirteenth Letter of Lunacy" before writing:

"Dear whoever,
Today I've learned how dangerous it is to be a messenger. The first message I delivered has since then started a pending of messages. Back and forth I go to deliver a message to the last person who wants to be a hero - the white rogue. It's strange how someone who can frighten the worst creatures I come across daily wishes to hide the fact that he has the will to help those who need it. But then again, his help is not something you get for free. No one must know who's been writing to the white rogue. He almost choked me when the pretty-eyed warthog got hold of the last message I delivered and I don't want to know what would have happened if he had opened it.

Oh, stranger, what a mess I've gotten myself into! I'm not cut out for this kind of danger like my dear Saffron, who can fight giant monsters just to get hold of magic cutlery. She's the one who possesses magical powers, weaponry and fighting skills, not me. But those things don't really matter, do they? When the mind can overpower you, your powers are useless. Instead, they can turn against you and everyone around you, causing all kinds of chaos. Firebreathers would set their loved ones on fire, rainmakers would drown entire cities, telepaths would twist the minds of their friends... if I possessed magic, stranger, I'd start the apocalypse against my will and end the world. That's how wicked my mind is and it will never let me forget it.

I don't know what I fear the most at this time. It's like a contest has started between the white rogue and the monsters about who gets to put my head on a spike. So far the white rogue is keeping the others away, but that's only because he needs me. Why he needs a messenger is beyond me, because there are better ways to keep in touch with people.

With indifferent regards,
The Lunatic"

Luna-May closed her notebook and held it to her chest. Her nerves began to calm down, like someone had sung them a lullaby on their bedtime. She could breathe now. As she sighed out of relief, she felt something light hit her on the head and saw Ivan sit next to her on the bench.

‒ Here's today's mail, he said firmly and handed her a letter. I expect my pen-pal to reply tomorrow morning.
‒ Hasn't your pen-pal given you a phone number yet? Luna-May asked.
‒ Look, this is between my pen-pal and me, Ivan said coolly. Your only task is to deliver the letters, got it?
‒ Fine, Luna-May replied. I hope the pen-pal knows...
‒ My pen-pal has already received the necessary information, Ivan interrupted her. You can drop the subject now!
‒ Okay! Luna-May snapped defensively.

* * *

As soon as Luna-May made it home, she pulled off her shoes and almost ripped off her jacket before rushing to her bedroom. As soon as she was inside, she almost dived into her backpack after the letter she got from Ivan. She sat on the floor, opened the letter quickly and read:

"You're getting better at keeping up appearances. Good, I need to keep this going for a while, at least until I can afford a new cellphone. Just don't let anyone get hold of the notes again, alright?

As for Jordan, the little creep, I'm surprised that you didn't know that he means bad luck. When he's not a complete klutz, he has a habit of spreading his own misfortune to anyone he tries to hang out with. Some idiots believe that tying him up to one of the goalposts breaks the "Jordan curse". I have no idea why and couldn't care less, but if I catch him sneaking into the ventilation drums again, I'll have him tied up there over the weekend.

Well, got any more stupid questions, like why pigs fly or something? Feel free to take the opportunity while I'm still bored enough to keep this going. Just keep in mind that I'm not the BFF-kind of guy and refuse to be treated like a dork in public, so don't embarrass me!"

"Me? Embarrass him?", Luna-May thought. "I'm doomed...".